Lonely Nights

Clock Strikes 00:00 and here I am roaming around in the kitchen… as usual.

Binge eating… Though I’m calling it “catching up”; It sounds better.

Combing my insomnia with my desire to satisfy my stomach,

I come up with new recipes every night, making snide comments like “Nigella’s got nothing on me” just so I won’t feel guilty for indulging when no one’s looking.

01:00… stomach starts growling again.

"No", I whisper.. sternly though.

"I’m big enough as it is already" 

I look at my phone, expecting some sort of miracle though I haven’t prayed for it to occur.

It sucks I have to admit, staying ip by myself…

I’d become [over]dependent on you… the thought of it now is intoxicating but I trust[ed] you so it was normal…

I mean you promise[d] you’d stay… but

03:30..

Stars are starting to disappear…

Mum’s switching on the geyser.. and me??

I’m still awake… going over “all things good” I’ve experinced, trying hard to erase the ones that include you 

Commiting murder while I’m at it for I’m stabbing your image.. your smile especially

Destroying your voice and that laugh you had everytime I told you I loved you.

Piercing that warm feeling that occurs as I remember how gawdly it felt when you moustach tickled me the night we kissed.

Insomnia sucks

05:20… as I make my way to the shower.

This is normal right?

People don’t sleep…People don’t cry even when they are hurting…

People [over] eat…

People think…

People remember [everything]

And as I leave the house I dread the coming of the night… for I know when it does. 

My bruises are awakened again

#Ayoola